The Lesbian Bible (AKA 'The L Word')

(Contains spoiler)

What did we do before Showtime created The L Word? Whenever I'm in the company of other girls who like girls, there is the tendency to relate every lesbian romance to the show.

A relationship in which one girl is more devoted than her partner, is termed "An Alice and Dana." A lesbian who goes back to men for a while is referred to as a "Tina." And "Shane" can refer to a girl who is either particularly hot or especially promiscuous.

The gay community was recently thrown into disarray by a romantic situation that hadn't been covered on The L Word when a teenager rebelled against her lesbian mother but ended up being gay also. However then series 5 became available on youtube and we were able to resume our lives, untroubled.

This is not a sex blog!

If you've come here because A StumbleUpon user listed this site as a "good sex blog" I'm afraid you will be bitterly disappointed.

Yes we've ridiculed The Bondage Duckie and a man who was fined for having sex with bike but we've also blogged alternatives to self-harm, Ten ways to get through a party if you're bipolar and various articles on medication and the deportation of Pegah Emambakhsh.

This is a blog about two powerful lifestyle influences, only one of which sounds even remotely sexy. I hope more regular readers would credit us with a little more depth!

STD testing, Come-ons, Presumptions and Texts

There are people who'll consider "I popped into my local STD clinic..." to be an unwise start to a post but to hell with them, it's widely accepted that the modern sexually active person of any sexuality should get checked out regularly, and if anyone's not aware of that fact, they should be.

So, I popped into my local STD clinic this week and was sitting there, reading fascinating campaigns such as

"Roses are Red,
Violets are Blue,
I have chlamydia,
Would you like it too?"

when I realised that people kept checking me out. I'm not kidding, three men kept looking over and every time something funny came on the radio, people looked at me and smiled. I thought this was quite inappropriate given the venue, but I do like to be open-minded... Finally I realised that it was not me that was catching their attention, but a speaker above my head! As is common in a society where people watch way too much television, eager radio listeners were gazing at the source of sound.

Following this, a doctor assumed I was heterosexual. So much so that when she was talking down my history, she wrote 'M's in all the boxes and then scribbled them out when I used a feminine pronoun. She also seemed to assume that I was unhappy with my single status - funny how often that happens.

The rest of the procedure was quite effortless - certainly nothing I wouldn't happily trade for peace of mind.

However, I was horrified to discover you get the results by text! I wondered, do they come in verse too? Or do they keep it short and sweet like "U R HIV+ soz m8"?

Fortunately further investigation revealed that if they find anything, they tell you in person and being offered an appointment is common for a whole host of reasons so "Sorry, we can't give you the results by text" is not a death sentence.

Cold as an alternative to self-inflicted pain

Of course there are many reasons why people self-harm but if you're one of those who does it just to feel anything other than emotional agony, you might want to consider using cold instead of pain.

It sounds stupid and I laughed when I read on a website that rubbing ice cubes on your arm is an effective alternative to cutting, however I've often noticed, when walking along the edge of the sea in winter, that the sharp shock of the cold water can generate the same feeling of relief.

Everybody's different and it might not work for you but it's certainly worth a bash, don't you think?